Tuesday, September 18, 2012
Intro to paper
As the sun sets an aura washes over a young lad and he is suddenly relieved. The weight that has been lifted from his shoulders bear no comparison. Yet even though this weight is gone he can sense that there is a long and troublesome road ahead of him. No one around him offers any help he must become the rock for those who need him more than he needs them. With that he makes a vow, no one should have to go through what it is like to lose a home. For the next four years he wandered about high school wondering what he would do with his future until he got to his government class and saw how passionate the teacher was and he then decided that the teacher's life had not been an easy as well. Once I found this out I decided that one way to help myself and others was to get on a much larger scale, not just volunteering but changing the way this nation runs.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This sounds like a fantastic beginning to something I would want to read the rest of. I feel that you have a great sense of word choice and fluency. Your descriptions are crisp and clear as if I was actually there. I cant wait to read the remaining story as I myself have moved a lot all over the country into different houses and homes. I feel another great aspect of this introduction is that people can really relate to this subject. I hope the rest of this paper is as good as this introduction. One word of advice would to keep up all the details and good word choices as it is a very strong intro you do not want to let up at all through the rest of the paper. Matthew Ross
ReplyDeleteI love your introduction paragraph. It goes straight to the point of what this narrative was supposed to be about, why we chose our major. I think the further I read, the more I will be intrigued. you started off fairly well and i hope that it continues on into your story, don't lose the reader, keep them reeled in.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your introduction. It has very good word choice and the sentences flow together well. It is a little confusing in the beginning though. It isn’t very clear about what weight is lifted. You somewhat jump from one thing to another. I think that more of a transition is needed in order to make things more clear. Was it the fact that you found a goal to strive for when you vowed to prevent more people from losing their houses? If you state this a little more clearly, I think that this introduction would be perfect for your topic. There is decent detail at first: I can picture what is going on, but the rest could use a little more. Overall, I found it very interesting and am excited to read the full story.
ReplyDelete