BUZZ! The alarm
clock sounds and once again she rushes into the bathroom to vomit while
clutching her stomach in agony. “What is
wrong with me?” she asks herself as she rinses her face and prepares herself
for another miserable day of physical training (PT) in the Army. She usually has no problem getting through
any of the physical tasks given to her, but lately she has had no energy and
can barely manage the warm up routine.
She somehow managed to pass the quarterly PT test yesterday, but today,
she is very dizzy and by the time she gets to work, she is in tears from the
excruciating pain in her stomach. She is
immediately rushed to the hospital only to find out that despite all the years
of being told that she would be unable to have children of her own, she and her
newly wed husband had managed to conceive a child.
First of this is an amazing story and a very special moment. I feel like the word choice was good and you really demonstrated the emotions and pains that you were going through. This sounds like a very special dear experience to you so it seems as though this subject will be an easy thing to continue writing about as you hold it so close. One piece of advice is to not loose sight of what happened to keep your readers interested in reading the story by continuing to do want you demonstrated in your introduction. Second congratulations on your child and thank you for your service to the country, I personally plan on joining the Marines after college.
ReplyDeleteI found the introduction to be very exciting! I thought it was very detailed exactly how the book said narratives are. What I found to be a bit different was that you used third person instead of first, how narratives are usually told. I thought this was a nice change and added more dynamic. I think if you switch to third person omniscient then it will become more of a narrative since it your own personal story.
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